Are You a Control Freak Or Do You Desire True Freedom?
I used to think that I knew how to be a leader. It was simple, you just follow other leaders and do what they do. Easier said than done right? It’s more than just following others though, it’s about discovering what my core beliefs are about being a leader. Does being a leader mean that I have to tell others what to do? Does being a good leader mean that I must say my opinion about everything, and expect others to ingest everything I say? Does being a leader require that I try to “sell” my ideas and beliefs about things to others no matter what the cost? No, that’s not what being a leader is really about. None of that will do!
First off, I had to look at what authority is really about. I used to think that ‘authority’ meant being the Boss, being in charge of others and basically telling them what to do. This was my grade-school definition of authority. I remember that’s how I felt with authority figures. My teachers were above me and I had to obey, or reap the consequences. I basically lived my entire life (up till now) with this same notion of what ‘authority’ means! Pretty crazy right? But ever since I have become involved in personal growth, and what I mean by personal growth is a willingness to look at my own reasons for why think the way I think, act the way I do, and thus get the results I get! Pretty simple- be, do have. So, what is authority anyway? When you look at the term, the word “author” appears, which really has to do with having inner conviction and belief that “I” as a writer or author, have something to say that I feel I know pretty well. The key words are ‘inner conviction.”
If you want a quality of life, you’ve got to decide to be an author in that area. What I mean by this is that it’s important to understand your reasons for why you feel you have something important to say and share on the subject, whatever that subject may be.
For example, I happen to consider myself and ‘author’ on the subject of being a business owner and professional marketer. The only reason I can say this and feel in integrity about it is because I have done it and am doing it! I have gone through the processes necessary to start my own business, advertise and run my business on a daily (4-5 hours a day) basis. Does this mean that I have the ability to control others, and tell them what to do? Not at all. All it means is that I have been there before. But my experience with what I have chosen to do with my life, is still relative to my own thinking. The only truest author, I believe, that ever existed is God. But again, this is my own opinion. Some of you may disagree and that’s just fine. I am not here to change your mind about anything you believe, or feel or think. What my intention is, is to open your mind to what true authority is about- in this case.
People who used their power in the shadow to control others are; Hitler, Stalin, and the like. These political leaders had ‘authority’ over others, but their vision was destructive and led to wars and many killings. Real authority deals with authority over oneself, vs. authority over others. There’s a big difference. The best leaders in the world have inner authority, take Jesus for example- he never forced or made people do what he wanted them to do. He spoke in parables and showed people a better way if they would only ask for guidance. Mahatma Gandhi is another example, he lead an entire nation to stop fighting by refusing to eat! He never even picked up a weapon and he stopped thousands of people from killing each other. Now, that is TRUE authority.
Not all of us are going to be such extremists when it comes to leadership, but really ask yourself how can you be a better leader and author in your own life? If you are a father, how can you be a better example to your children? What makes your children (teens especially) want to listen and hear you when you have something important to share with them? And women, where is your authority? How are you utilizing your strengths? Do you use your beauty for good or to manipulate men? What makes others want to listen to you when you have something to share at a meeting are in your own business? What I am getting to, is WHERE DOES YOUR AUTHORITY COME FROM? Is it from a desire to control, manipulate, hide your real self or does it come from a desire to be heard? Do you get more authoritative when you desire to get what you want? Or are you excited to help others get what they want and then inevitably get what you want?
People will be more likely to listen when you speak from the heart, form a place of no doubt and commitment to your dreams, goals, and ideals.